The Squirrel Club
Where the elite meet to greet and shoot skeet

Por amor de Dios, Squirrels, BE CAREFUL WHEN SNEAKING AROUND POWER SUBSTATIONS!!!

Welcome to the incredibly exclusive Squirrel Club. The point of this place's existence is to provide select services to an exclusive clientele. It's not what you think, you sicko.

Members of the Squirrel Club (Squirrels, if you will) are allowed such privileges as ACCESS TO MY PERSONAL MESSAGE PAGER and my ultra-exclusive COMPANY E-MAIL ADDRESS. Bow before them.

Special Announcement:Oh, you lucky Squirrels! You are CORDIALLY INVITED to a gallery opening featuring the photography of that magnificent, generous, good-looking and, above all, humble guy Rob Zazueta. To enter the gallery, you will need to bring your special invitiation (just scribble something on a piece of paper, our bouncer is extremely far-sighted) and enter THROUGH THIS DOOR. In a week or so, the gallery will be open to the public, so stop by and enjoy it before all those parents bring their screaming hellions in to "give 'em some culturizin'."

In the coming months, Squirrels will receive even MORE exclusive privileges, including PERSONAL BACKGROUND INFORMATION and even PARTY INVITES. If you are a Rob Zazueta intimate, you may already be a squirrel (don't read into that either, pervert).

HOW DO YOU GET THIS EXCLUSIVE ACCESS? Well, if you're reading this, YOU ALREADY HAVE IT! Ain't you freakin' special? A complete list of current Squirrel Club Exclusive Silver Services™ can be found below.

So enjoy your special privileges. You've earned them. And you never know when they'll be callously ripped from your tender little hands for your repeated insolence. The Squirrel King knows no mercy. Bow down before him!

Squirrel Club Exclusive Silver Services™ include:

Stay tuned for more exclusive Squirrel Services!